You can disconnect my heart.

I've been reaching for the highest shelves, reading the oldest books
But I still don't feel intelligent and I'd smile if I could
You're the only face I'd ever miss, the one that makes me smile
I'm distraught about the way you left, in the city lovers die.
They assessed how much i love you and it's too much to give grade
The type of girl, if you where homeless you'd give all your change
And I'm done feeling sorry for myself
No I feel sorry for myself now you're gone
Oh I wish you weren't gone
You can disconnect my heart
Because I feel so far away from everything
Away from everyone
I can feel the weight of me decisions pinching at my spine
I've become my own worst enemy, this smiles hiding lies
And if I could I'd cramp the distance that's made our hearts grow weak
You're the only girl I'll always ever miss but never get to meet
And I can't breathe without you close
And I'm sick of all my clothes, I'm finding things a bit too much
Im finding things a bit too much
I wish you all the best
I'll miss you, you're the best
And I'm done feeling sorry for myself
No I feel sorry for myself now you're gone
Oh I wish you weren't gone
You can disconnect my heart
Because I feel so far away from anyone
Away from everyone
Girl the distance will come between us, don't you laugh

"Distance" - Ellington.
My fave song of theirs. Parts of the song kinda sum up how I feel at times.

I THINK TOO MUCH AND THIS BLOG IS FULL OF THINKING.
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

I've come to realise things always continue to be fairly the same in my life.
Not good, not bad, but just ok.

Whenever something good happens, something bad always happens to cancel the good thing out and then I'm just left somewhere in the middle which is just luke warm, confusing and frustrating.
Even though there are good things in my life, really good things, plenty of them, there's always the bad things aswell, and so I'm left feeling niether good or bad but just annoyed and blank.
I can be having a great day and then one after another, all these things go wrong which add up and leave me feeling terrible. It happens ALL the time.

Like, one small example, last week I spent a day painting a Traffic Signal Box for the Brisbane City Council (the picture is of my TSB - it's outside a primary school. It's not finished yet though). It's part of this community art project called Artforce and you do it for the Council for free and get to paint in a public place. Whilst I was doing this, I got a parking ticket, from none other than the Brisbane City Council. Like, it's so retarded. I was doing a painting for them for free and then they come and give me a parking ticket so now I have to give THEM money. Argh.


I've come to realise things are always continuing to be the same for me in my life. On and on. Day in, day out.
I feel like I'm walking in circles sometimes. I really do.
And I can't seem to break out of the mould that I was put in in high school. I'm not perfect or innocent or better than you or boring or condecending. I'm not ANY of these things and I'm really sick of people labelling me as all these things which I'm really not.

I want to escape out of this never ending cycle of things but I don't know how.
Things always seem to come and go in the same pattern for me, they really do.

Ugh. I can't even really explain what I mean.
I need to get out of my head and stop analysing everything over and over until I'm so sick of everything I feel like I could scream.

Sigh.

In other news -
- I'm back at uni this week for my second semester. Woo.
I did pretty well last semester and I'm proud of myself for doing well so I'm gonna try and keep it up. Fingers crossed. I'm actually really excited to start my 3D media classes tomorrow. We get to do art with wire and clay and wood and metal and other cool stuff like that. It's gonna be SO RAD. Only truly interesting subject i have this semester. Lol.
- I'm going to MELBOURNE IN SEPTEMBER! I'm seeing Wicked with Lex. Wicked is in 59 days. I'm so so so so so so so excited! I need to start saving up lol. And I need to book flights. My poor poor bank account.
- I got a new fish this afternoon! I thought I'd try my luck at a gold fish this time. I havn't named him yet but I feel proud coz I bought him a little air bubble thingy and everything. He seems really happy. Poor Marley, RIP buddy, I tried my best.
- Work is frustrating me. Almost every single customer these days bitches to me aobut the prices of things. I wouldn't go into ANY shop and bitch to the person who was surving me about their prices, so I don't see why people do it to me. And what's worse, we're one of the cheapest (if not the cheapest) vet clinics in the area, so like, wtf people?! AND I DO NOT FREAKING CONTROL THE PRICES OF SERVICES OR PRODUCTS IN OUR SHOP. I JUST SELL THE STUFF. LEAVE ME ALONE YOU RUDE PEOPLE. YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE.
- I'm totally over being single but I'm too shy to meet new people. I think I'm destined to be alone. I really do. And the boys I like never like me back anyway. Ugh.
- I bought hair dye the other day. "Intense deep burgundy" will be my new hair colour. Wooooo. I love having maroon hair. It makes me happy.

Other than all that things are as usual.
Bland.

I'm finished blogging I think.
For now at least.
I almost feel as if it doesn't really matter anyway coz barely anyone even reads my blogs.

Hello to Rach if you're reading this. I love you. You're my twin and you're great. I wish I could make you happy. <3

THE END.

MASSIVE BLOG OF MASSIVE FOR JULY.

OH MY GOSH IT'S BEEN A VERY LONG TIME SINCE I'VE LAST BLOGGED.










I feel bad for not blogging in so long, I've really wanted to but kept getting distracted with real life stuff like hanging with friends and concerts and going shopping and going to work and whatnot.
I'M ABOUT TO EXPLODE, I'VE GOT THAT MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT.
YOU BETTER BELIVE IT.
Buckle up, this is going to be a long ride...

So, since I last blogged, which was the week of the end of Uni semester one, I've been rather busy. (Get ready for a giant list of stuff... Mostly this is in list form BECAUSE I LIKE LISTS AND THIS IS MY BLOG SO SUCK IT. Yep.) GIANT LIST OF RECENT THINGS I'VE DONE IS AS FOLLOWS:

- I've been to the Sunny Coast with Jack and Katie. Katie and I watched Sex and the City, Gilmore Girls and also Scrubs for hourssss on end. Fantastic. And the three of us drank lots and ate lots and I baked cookies. It was great. Living with Jack and Katie and riding in Katie's car was great. I love Jack and Katie. I miss them. Damn them for living an hour away and damn me for being too lazy to see them more often.


- I've been to Bundaberg/Bargara and became a member of the Bundy Crew.
It was great. Lots of good times were had. Lots of food was eaten, lots of music was listened too, lots of photos were taken. And! I even DROVE home from Bundy! 5 hours of highway driving! It was insane! The group photo is us ont he side of the Bruce Highway on the way home. I'd wanted a group photo all trip and that was when we decided to take one, on the side of the highway, as you do. Lol. Jack had a flat tire and no one but Lex and I knew how to change tires so she and I did it while the remainder of the Bundy Crew stood and watched. Haha. So discraceful, 4 boys on the trip and no one knew how to change a tire. Haha!
- I've seen SOMETHING WITH NUMBERS live. With Jade. It was rad. The Zoo is our new favourite place.

- I went to The Grates' secret show.. which was rad because it turned out to be ON A BOAT. And I met and got photos with all three members of The Grates and generally had a radtacular time with my mates and met some new people too. One of the absolute best nights I've had in a lonnnnng time. So many awesome people and so so so much awesome music. I met Al's friend Matt from Syney. He's pretty rad as far as internet friends go :) AND I GOT TO SEE MY LONG LOST FRIEND KATEY! WOO! She won't read this but she's rad all the same. It was a great night, so rad to see The Grates live again and to hear their new songs! AND I WAS IN THE FRONT ROW, DEAD CENTRE, AND PATIENCE SUNG TO ME AND IT WAS WONDERFUL. And in Howl I got to be a wolf and howl into Patience's microphone. Coz I'm cool like that. AND! I bought their new single and when we left we got little Grats party bags which were super cute! :) A RADTACULAR NIGHT WAS HAD BY ALL. Thankyou to The Grates and Triple J for a fantastic night out. (The two photos above and below this are form the show.. There's one of Lex, Jade and myself looking out onto the river taken by the loverly Jackus, and one of Patience which I took) :)

- I've been to work a fair few times. It's pretty good most of the time. It's pretty normal.

- I've been shopping. It's very easy to spend money. Which is bad. BUT! I've now got alot of clothes and shoes and things. Wooo. I went shopping on sunday and got jeans, 3 tops, a cardigan type thing, a dress, some high heels and a skirt! WOO! MY WARDROBE IS NOW COMPLETE AND OVERFLOWING.

- Lex and I have been organising our trip to MELBOURNE in September to see WICKED! I'm so so so excited. I love Lex and Melbourne and I'm so excited to see Wicked. :D Wooo. Lex and I and our mums are all gonna go together. Coz we're that cool. It's gonna be wicked. Get it. Haha. I'm so lame.

- I've had sleepovers with mates. And gossip sessions. Yep. AND PICNIS! WE HAD A PICNIC THURSDAY! It was greeeeeeat :D

- I've drunk soymilk. Chocolate flavoured soymilk to be exact. Alison got me onto it years ago but I bought a whole litre of it the other day just coz I was in the mood for it. I'm drinkign the last of it riiiiiight now. Nom nom nom.

- I've eaten so much junk food that it's just not cool anymore. Lol. I want fruit and vegetables and nothing else. Haha.

- I've organised for me to paint another TSB (traffic signal box) like the one I did last year. This one's in Bald Hills near the primary school. I'm gonna paint it with pencils and stuff on it, I'll probs be doing it on monday/tuesday next week! Woo!

- I've listened to ALOT of music. SO SO SO MUCH NEW MUSIC. I bought the new Birds of Tokyo cd, amoung others. I love their new album so so so much. It's wonderous. Oh and I've watched a bit of tv.And listened to Jade on 99.7FM radio. She's great at being a radio presenter, destined for JJJ she is.

- I've been on some crazy road trips, one of which was rather epic and was last night. I've been trying not to use people's names in my blogs but whatever, it's too hard not to. I give up.

So this is how it goes - the adventure of last night: Ree rang Lex and I, offering to come and pick us up from Lexy's and take us to her parents' house for a parteee coz her arents were on holiday and therefore not home. Lex and I said yes. 8:30pm rolls round and Ree and Emma come and pick up Lex and I. The adventure begins here haha.
We drove from Bridgeman Downs to Warner to pick up Richelle. Then we drove to Scarborough to pick up Michael. At this point there was 6 of us in Ree's car, a 5 seater little Rav 4. Yep. Richelle, myself, Lex and Michael all smooshed in the back seat and one of us had to duck whenever we saw the cops drive by coz we didn't wanna get Ree in trouble for having more passangers than she had seats. Lol. Hilarious. So, we then drove to Ree's parents' place at Roxburg, which took about 40 mins from Michael's house. So we arrive at Ree's place, on top of her mountain at Roxburg, by which time it was about 10:30pm, and we're more than ready to have some drinks and about to jump out of Ree's car when BOM BOM BOM Ree's parents arn't on holiday! OH NO! They were home! We pulled up and there's not one, but TWO cars in the driveway, and Ree's parents are inside their house ASLEEP, and Ree had just rocked up to their place at 10:30pm on a thursday with a car load of people thinking that her rents were on holiday. Lol. So, after some awkwardness and Ree having a quick chat to her mum which was basicaly "What are you doing here with these people?! Go away." (understandable though aye) we left Ree's parent's place feeling kind of lost and disgruntled without anywhere decent to go. We ended up then driving from Roxburg to Narangba to drop Emma off, then back to Warner to drop Richelle home. Then it was Ree, Michael, Lex and I, still with no where to go and wanting to do something other than continue driving for the rest of the night. SO! We head from Warner to the city, to Ree's apartment and crash there the night. LOL. MOST EPIC AND USELESS DRIVING ADVENTURE EVER. So, Ree picked Lex and I up at 8:30pm and we didn't get to her place in the city until MIDNIGHT. Lol. Along the way we drove to a million places, nearly got pulled over by the cops for having too many passangers, speeding, and having loud music, and we almost ran over about 3 rabbits and a cat. Not to mention us back seat riders all ended up with sore spines from being smooshed in the back seat for like an hour and a half, BUT, overall, it wasn't that bad a night, and hey, it makes a good story. Lol.
SO THAT WAS MY EPIC STORY OF OUR EPIC ROAD TRIP FROM LAST NIGHT. WOOO.

People are amusing. I've been thinking about these sorts of things of late. Like taking a step back and thinking about the ways in which other people are. If that makes sense.
The more people I meet the moe I like my dogs lol. It's so true. There's so many rude people I've come across lately.
Some people just don't give up when they want something. Haha. It makes me laugh.
Some people are rude. Like some of the angry customers at work.
Some people are really, really hypocrytical. I hate it.
And some people are just damn confusing.
Yep. I'll stop analysing things now.

So yeah.
That was epic.
I'm all blogged out now.
Many more concerts and social gatherings coming up, and I'm back at Uni for another adventurous semester as of July 21st. Woo.

BYE FOR NOW FAITHFUL READERS!

OH! ALSO! Happy birthday to Sammy Bear. He's now the ripe old age of 15. Sorry I didn't have a new blog written for you on your birthday mate. Oh well. Happy birthday all the same. Hope it was a good one even if I refused to supply you with alcohol. Haha.

AND! HAYDEN! IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU SUCK. Sif you'd read your older sister's blog. Honestly. LIKE WHY WOULD YOU WANNA READ THIS HAYDEN? Pfffft.
Happy birthday for sunday though. You're also turning 15. Woo.

OK I AM NOT WRITING ANYTHING ELSE NOW.
This blog is epic. Over 1600 words.
I'm rad-to-the-core. I wish more people read this.
Anywho, I'm going now.
BAI!