But I still don't feel intelligent and I'd smile if I could
You're the only face I'd ever miss, the one that makes me smile
I'm distraught about the way you left, in the city lovers die.
They assessed how much i love you and it's too much to give grade
The type of girl, if you where homeless you'd give all your change
And I'm done feeling sorry for myself
No I feel sorry for myself now you're gone
Oh I wish you weren't gone
You can disconnect my heart
Because I feel so far away from everything
Away from everyone
I can feel the weight of me decisions pinching at my spine
I've become my own worst enemy, this smiles hiding lies
And if I could I'd cramp the distance that's made our hearts grow weak
You're the only girl I'll always ever miss but never get to meet
And I can't breathe without you close
And I'm sick of all my clothes, I'm finding things a bit too much
Im finding things a bit too much
I wish you all the best
I'll miss you, you're the best
And I'm done feeling sorry for myself
No I feel sorry for myself now you're gone
Oh I wish you weren't gone
You can disconnect my heart
Because I feel so far away from anyone
Away from everyone
Girl the distance will come between us, don't you laugh
"Distance" - Ellington.
My fave song of theirs. Parts of the song kinda sum up how I feel at times.
I THINK TOO MUCH AND THIS BLOG IS FULL OF THINKING.
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!
I've come to realise things always continue to be fairly the same in my life.
Not good, not bad, but just ok.
Whenever something good happens, something bad always happens to cancel the good thing out and then I'm just left somewhere in the middle which is just luke warm, confusing and frustrating.
Even though there are good things in my life, really good things, plenty of them, there's always the bad things aswell, and so I'm left feeling niether good or bad but just annoyed and blank.
I can be having a great day and then one after another, all these things go wrong which add up and leave me feeling terrible. It happens ALL the time.
Like, one small example, last week I spent a day painting a Traffic Signal Box for the Brisbane City Council (the picture is of my TSB - it's outside a primary school. It's not finished yet though). It's part of this community art project called Artforce and you do it for the Council for free and get to paint in a public place. Whilst I was doing this, I got a parking ticket, from none other than the Brisbane City Council. Like, it's so retarded. I was doing a painting for them for free and then they come and give me a parking ticket so now I have to give THEM money. Argh.I've come to realise things are always continuing to be the same for me in my life. On and on. Day in, day out.
I feel like I'm walking in circles sometimes. I really do.
And I can't seem to break out of the mould that I was put in in high school. I'm not perfect or innocent or better than you or boring or condecending. I'm not ANY of these things and I'm really sick of people labelling me as all these things which I'm really not.
I want to escape out of this never ending cycle of things but I don't know how.
Things always seem to come and go in the same pattern for me, they really do.
Ugh. I can't even really explain what I mean.
I need to get out of my head and stop analysing everything over and over until I'm so sick of everything I feel like I could scream.
Sigh.
In other news -- I'm back at uni this week for my second semester. Woo.
I did pretty well last semester and I'm proud of myself for doing well so I'm gonna try and keep it up. Fingers crossed. I'm actually really excited to start my 3D media classes tomorrow. We get to do art with wire and clay and wood and metal and other cool stuff like that. It's gonna be SO RAD. Only truly interesting subject i have this semester. Lol.
- I'm going to MELBOURNE IN SEPTEMBER! I'm seeing Wicked with Lex. Wicked is in 59 days. I'm so so so so so so so excited! I need to start saving up lol. And I need to book flights. My poor poor bank account.
- I got a new fish this afternoon! I thought I'd try my luck at a gold fish this time. I havn't named him yet but I feel proud coz I bought him a little air bubble thingy and everything. He seems really happy. Poor Marley, RIP buddy, I tried my best.
- Work is frustrating me. Almost every single customer these days bitches to me aobut the prices of things. I wouldn't go into ANY shop and bitch to the person who was surving me about their prices, so I don't see why people do it to me. And what's worse, we're one of the cheapest (if not the cheapest) vet clinics in the area, so like, wtf people?! AND I DO NOT FREAKING CONTROL THE PRICES OF SERVICES OR PRODUCTS IN OUR SHOP. I JUST SELL THE STUFF. LEAVE ME ALONE YOU RUDE PEOPLE. YOU'RE DRIVING ME INSANE.
- I'm totally over being single but I'm too shy to meet new people. I think I'm destined to be alone. I really do. And the boys I like never like me back anyway. Ugh.
- I bought hair dye the other day. "Intense deep burgundy" will be my new hair colour. Wooooo. I love having maroon hair. It makes me happy.
Other than all that things are as usual.
Bland.
I'm finished blogging I think.
For now at least.
I almost feel as if it doesn't really matter anyway coz barely anyone even reads my blogs.
Hello to Rach if you're reading this. I love you. You're my twin and you're great. I wish I could make you happy. <3
THE END.
2 comments:
you said so nmuch stuff and i was like "either she's just copying me or we really are twins"
rargh.
I'm not shy, just retarded.
and it's my only interesting subject too.
I hope my class on friday, the mediacomm one has victor, penny and jade in it. that woudl be awesome.
I don't even know what I am. I dont want to make decisions, I don't want to do uni anymore.
I cried about it for like 2 hours.
I think that most of the time in life we have to make things happen.
Otherwise it does just end up with these long steaks of nothing which go on forever and you don't really remember any real exciting things happening. Oh well. I am going to do something exciting during the month of August. Something that I'll remember.
But life has changed, you know, when I was younger going to Dreamworld would be a big exciting thing. But now things like that are just fun time fillers. Really memorable things have to have some kind of outcome.
That box is cool. My favourite painted traffic signal box is the Disco Pig.
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