Hello bloggers.
You're reading the blog of one very unhappy little squirrel.
The photo at the top is one I took of a gorgeous bunch of tulips the girls at work go tme on monday, man, I love those girls so much.
Things arn't going as planned, at all.
I don't even know what to write.
I'm exhausted in every sense of the word... emotionally, physically, spritually.
And to top everything off I'm failing rather dismally at the ITC at the moment. No motivation nor time to actually get to the gym.
There's only a couple of days left of February and even though I started out so well and had the best intentions things arn't going well at all right now.
Things suck.
Work (or lack there of...). Uni. Friends. Family... The fact I haven't been to the gym in almost a week. The fact that I'm now realising I'm not sure I'll be able to afford to do Photography at uni, sure, I can Hex the actual course fees but there's literally hundreds and hundres of dollars worth of other equipment I need to buy, plus books, and paying for camp.
I don't want to write anything else.
It'd just be terrible and negative even more so than what I've written already.
I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, frightened, angry, sad, unorganised, completely lacking in all self confidence and totally heart broken.
The constant feeling that I'm about to vomit is not a pleasant one, and crying takes up alot of energy on top of that.
On a brighter note I had my first day at Griffith today.
Photography is so intense at Griffith.
I'm freaking out.
At least I've already got a gorgeous DSLR to work with, most people enrolled in the course don't even own a camera yet.
I was amazed that some people could enrol in a course such as the Bahcelor of Photography on a whim.
The staff and older photography students say the drop out rate for first and second year kids is about 50%. That alone makes me nervous.
I so desperately want to succeed because I'm so passionate about photography, but things don't always turn out how we want them to, the past few days have shown me that, so now I'm just lacking on confidence and uncertain about absolutely everything in my life.
I haven't felt this depressed and out of sorts in about.. I dunno, 6 months? A year maybe ?
I'm sure things will change for the better, soon, but right now things are pretty doom and gloom.
I rhymed.
I'm so lame.
An yway I'm sure I'll be back to my normal awesomecore self soon... I hope.
I do know that life is far too short to worry too much about anything and be miserable, but right now it's virtually impossible to feel otherwise.
I need someone to bottle me up some sunshine so I can drink it and soak it all in and feel happy again.
The end.
p.s I'm STILL sick. I've spent 4 out fo the last 5 weeks being sick.
Bleh.
The world hates me, for some reason, and I don't even know what I've done wrong.
p.p.s I'm totally addicted to two bands right now, on top of all my regulars I'm now addicted to The Week That Was, and also Port O'Brien. Check 'em out on myspace if you don't know who they are.
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