Keep your money, I want CHANGE.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Hope you all had a nice day.
I didn't.



Norbert died at about 12pm today. He was fine this morning, swimming and eating like nomal, then I come in to my room round lunchtime and see him upside down on the bottom of the tank. I just about cried. My whole family thinks I'm dumb to care about my pet fish. But whatever, I love my fish. They're cool. Norbert is the plain orange fish in the photo.
I'd had Norbert since the beginning of August last year. That's nine months! I thought I was doing so well. Treating my fish right.
I'm a shit fish owner for not seeing it coming. He was sick like 2 months ago but got better and I thought things were going to be ok.
Obviously not.
I'm so, so sorry Norbert. I thought I was looking after you the best I could - you had a great 30L tank, and awesome best friend named Reginald, plenty of fresh food, lots of plastic plants I'd interchange to keep things interesting, a nice filter and an air pump. I thought I was doing well.
Now Norbert is dead, Reginald is lonely and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to buy a pH testing kit so I can monitor the pH in the fish tank water, cos gold fish are messy and turn the water acidic, which is bad and something I should have taken control of sooner.
I don't know if I should buy Reginald a new friend or not. He was always really shy compared to Norbert, so maybe he'll come out of his shell now he's alone, or maybe he'll become even more shy, I'm not sure. I'll give it a few days and see how we go.

In other news... things are happening for me, as of today.
I'm sick of things being so static all the time.
I'm going insane and I can't even explain it, I'm going crazy because of so many things and in so many different ways.

I have the strong desire to empty my room, completely. All I want is my bed, my fishtank, my box of cameras and my laptop, that's it.
I have too many things, everywhere, plus the dirt and dead bugs, and dust.
And now there seems to be geckos breeding in my room too. Every time I pick up my bag off the floor, a book of the shelf or anything really, a baby gecko is there. And I know it can't be the same one cos I keep scooping them up and putting them in the garden outside. I like geckos, I just don't want them living in my room, cos there's nothing for them to eat in here so they're all gonna die. Gross.

Anyway, I'm getting back to basics, starting now. I'm going to sort my life out, even if it takes a week or a month or a year.
I'm painting over my fucking wall. I've had the paint sitting in the garage since December and I can't stand it anymore. It's bringing me down. That bloody wall is ugly and childish and I'm sick of it. I don't care if you don't want me to apint over it cos you think it's cool, I'm sick of looking at it everyday.

I need to cut strings.
I want my life to be enjoyable, I want to be in control of things. This includes my Uni studies, my room, my bank account and my relationships.
I know I can't control everything, but I feel like I've been blobbing along like a lost jellyfish for far too long already this year.
I need to get loose, shake things up and start fresh.
I also need to get rid of all the shit in my room. I've been getting rid of the shit in my life for a few months now, but I haven't addressed my room yet. I am. Starting now.

If my room isn't clean and exciting and how I want it to be, how can my life be?
If the place I live in isn't inspiring, how can I be inspired in the other areas of my life?
I'm going to explode or go insane and start throwing things around.
This has been a long, long time coming though.

I've been home all day, haven't gone anywhere. I cooked, I watched about 5 hours of Gilmore Girls and I pondered things and felt sorry for myself, and sorry for Norbert.
And, of course, my family are driving me nuts. I can't stand it when we're all home at once, all day long.
I just yelled "LEAVE ME ALONE I HATE YOU" in a totally teen angsty way at my brother and Kevin.
Gosh.
I need to get out of here.
Badly.

Another prominant thought in my head is that I desperately need to write my modernism essay. It's due on the 20th April, and all I've done so far is gathered more research than you can poke a stick at, and lugged it all home with me. I have a giant pile of library books and printed journal articles on my floor. I need motivaiton and/or help, pronto. If you're reading this and can write art history compare and contrast essays, please call me, asap. I'll love you forever even if you just sit with me and help me sort through all my research. I'm so over essays. I'm glad only one of my subjects at Uni involves me writing essays.
As well as this, I've got that many other assignments to do over the break I feel like I'll surely drown in them before the end of the week. Help.

The third and final prominant thought in my head is that I'm desperate for cash. I cna't stand being unemployed anymore, it's just not working for me at all. I like being independant and having my own money. I feel like I'm 14 again.
I've applied for 17 jobs so far and I'm still unemployed. I'm going to apply for lots more tomorrow on Seek.
I'm also considering putting ads on my blog for some extra cash, I'm thinking it might be more trouble than it's worth though. Any thoughts?

Ok, time for action.
I've started emptying out my room so I can sand my wall and paint it.
I cleaned out my fish tank and set it up in the bathroom so Reginald doesn't have to breathe in paint fumes.
I'm on the hunt for things to throw away. I'm going to make a pile of things I can give to Lifeline, (which will be all re-useable objects etc) and a pile of things to go in the bin (eg. actual rubbish, bits of paper, street press mags, documents I don't need anymore etc).

Hope you all have a fab weekend, I'll be busy doing all the junk I've ranted about in this blog.
I feel a bit more calm now.

Nite.